“’Come to the edge,’ he said. They said: ‘We are afraid.’ ‘Come to the edge,’ he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” Guillaume Apollinaire

Why is it that when you are exposed to certain kinds of art you sometimes feel despair, depression, etc. while other types connect you with the sublime? I remember very well having attended various art museum shows and then suddenly sensing great despair and hopelessness as I looked at a series produced by a visiting visual artist. Asking others in the room what they sensed, I found it quite intriguing that they felt the same.

Almost all my life I have been involved in some form with the visual and performing arts, either as a student, an admirer, or even marrying a watercolor artist. It is no surprise that my own children have gone on to become forces of their own in the contemporary art world (http://www.TMSisters.com) being featured in common and trade publications as well as doing shows all over the world. Over the years, being so surrounded by this world, I have developed relationships with visual and performing artists, often serving them as a mentor, coach, or psychotherapist.

In my trek to understand the relationship between emotional states and creative output of the artist, I have seen, what appears to be, a correlation. In dealing with many visual and performing artists, I have noticed that there is a difference between the art they produce when they are stuck in low emotional states and the art they make when they are in highly positive and healthy states. I am not speaking of experimental works such as in acting and taking on certain characters, though even this can have a deleterious effect on the person. I am referring more to stuck emotional states in the artist.

I have known brilliant visual artists whose talents are simply amazing, yet when you look over their work, you become depressed. Some of these artists possess phobias such as agoraphobia (fear of going into public places) and claustrophobia (fear of crowds). It is interesting that, one in particular, portrays scenes in the darkness of night with clandestine activity done by classically oppressed people. The metaphors are powerful indeed.

Clusters of Darkness and Light

It does not take a psychoanalyst to see that there are clusters of emotions that go from the very dark to the realm of great light, symbolically. In other words, there are emotional states that are very detrimental with negative effects while there are others that are quite resourceful and healthy. These emotions go the whole gamut… from those emotions that make a person experience negative feelings all the way to those that are full of health and sublime.

Shame

Take, for example, lower emotional states such as shame. A person can be stuck in shame for many reasons. The most probable is that this person experienced forms of humiliation at earlier stages of their life. Their outlook to life can be very miserable and, if they are spiritual, they view their Higher Power as one who despises them.

Victimization, Grief, Fear, and Anxiety

A slightly more resourceful, yet, destructive emotional state is victimization. Feeling like a victim can easily create an extreme narcissist blaming others. They think they are entitled to better treatment than the rest of the world. Victimization can also create a guilt-ridden individual who cowers at the “meow” of a cat. This takes us to another level up into the realm of despair, which creates hopelessness and apathy. Art created by individuals stuck at this emotional state can be quite disturbing to one’s psyche. Other more resourceful but negative emotional states could be those of grief, fear and anxiety. With grief, you can see the artist sharing his worldview of sadness with us. I appreciate the pain many of these artists carry, but I can only bear the burden but briefly before I get drawn into the abyss of tragedy. The same goes for artists that live in fear. They see the world as a frightening place. As a result they live in the shadows. Their artistic expressions show it.

Anger and Pride

The last cluster of negative emotional states is, what I would call, living in anger and pride. I know some artists that are carrying a very heavy load of rage coupled with arrogance. One artist I am acquainted with is constantly trying to prove that he is the ultimate male. You see symbols of his father-anger emanating from his brilliant works that are full of vitriol trying to shock the public. I once engaged this artist and found it quite interesting that his view of a Supreme Being was that of a very angry paternal creature. The artist grew up without a father in his life.

A Better Way

If I were to stop here, I would not be doing the reader or artists any favor by abandoning them to the despair of being stuck in lower emotional states. For that reason, I would like to say that there is a better way. There are whole other levels of emotional states that leave dark outlooks behind. These levels provide the emotional platform to produce inspiring and sublime art.

Neutrality

When an artist crosses from the world of emotional darkness into the world of most resourceful emotions he then goes under a fabulous transformation of sorts. The first step to higher and better emotions is to attain to an emotional state of neutrality. This is where you tell yourself, “It is all good!” A smile breaks out and the sun comes up in your life. Art created in this state can often be very humorous and playful. It can be fun to enjoy this kind of art. The artist can begin to laugh, even at himself. The Divinity laughs with him.

Hope, Compassion, Understanding, and Unconditional Love

An even higher level of emotion is the state of being filled with hope. It creates optimism. The artistic expression gives hope to others witnessing it. Herein is the birthplace of inspiration which is contagious. A next upward cluster of emotions could be that of compassion for life, understanding, and unconditional love. These are extremely powerful forces inside of a person. Having compassion for life enables the artist to forgive those who have created pain for them and others. It is here where the artist begins to take on the role of a healer. Balanced by a carefully thoughtful and balance outlook of circumstances, the artist is able to move into the realm of releasing unconditional love to the world through their medium of art. There are certain types of music, performances, or visuals that create moments of awe, moments that mend the soul. It is almost like something other-worldly happens. One is enveloped by a powerful sensorial field. It is not very often that I have experienced this but when I have I knew that I was at a very special and pivotal place at that moment. Usually, my life became altered in a very significant way.

Joy and Peace

The last cluster I would like to cover is that of joy and peace. Having experienced the healing of unconditional love, one can move into the realms of ecstatic joy and peace. This is the kind of transcendence Gandhi and Mother Teresa spoke about. It is as if a Divine transcendence captures one’s spirit. Once a person has tasted it, it is like a drug. You want more. The artist who has attained these levels is similar to a Shaman. His work emanates powerfully uplifting forces. Words cannot contain enough adjectives to describe the experience. One is speechless. The artist that consistently reaches this emotional state is one who lives touching the face of God and dances with the angels. It almost seems like nothing in this world really matters anymore.

Even though I have worked in academia for years and have enjoyed the benefits of helping learning minds to expand their horizons, I have had one gnawing concern. Learning institutions typically help students, at best, to make a living but they fail miserably at teaching how to live life. These areas pertain to the realm of accumulated wisdom. Of course, wisdom presupposes knowledge, that is, the correct and consistent application of knowledge as truth. As a behavioral professional and an academic, I wish institutions would teach practical things such as how media, government, religion, and even academia itself, can indoctrinate the masses. For the purpose of this article I will focus on the media (and a little on academia).

I can very much remember talking to journalism students and perusing their text books. I noticed the emphasis on “objective and balanced reporting.” I always laugh. Having been a student who used “qualitative methods of research” I knew very well how every bit of research made by any human being is always tainted at some level with some bias. I know some will have a cow at this but even quantum physicists tell us the same. In the media, even a well-intentioned journalist is affecting his message in some form.

I would like to focus on how the media can manipulate the masses through their message. You still see journalists reacting, “How dare you question me!” as if they belonged to some privileged priesthood directly connected to a Divine stream of ultimate truth. I have endeavored to share just some of the tactics of psychological manipulation of mass thinking. Most reading this will easily recognize these. I don’t claim to provide an exhaustive list.

Guilt by Association
All that is necessary to destroy a person’s character publicly is to take that person and overtly or covertly associate them to something the masses will reject. Never mind if it is true or not, simply to question it or make the association is sufficient.

One example that comes to mind is a very clever twist I saw used by a famous newspaper. At the time, a political leader, greatly disliked by the editors of a newspaper, was portrayed in a very interesting way. They put an article and his photo strategically in very close proximity to a picture of a circus clown that was part of some other story. I thought to myself, “Now that tactic wins the prize! It was very subtle and very subconscious in approach. The ultimate message was , “This person is a clown, therefore laugh at him and consider him non-credible like you would with a clown.”

Another very typical way of using this same tactic is to connect, even if it is through intricate stratagem, the person to some law-breaking, shady, person, organization, or action. Even if it is not true, it will leave a dark cloud of doubt in the mind of the person receiving the information. That is why slander is so effective in destroying enemies. The media will never come out and admit that they do this. They are accountable to no one, much like some sort of immaculate and narcissistic god.

Just a Little Poison
The next way the media tries to manipulate minds is through, what is called, the verisimilitude. Now that is a real mouthful. It means that something is “very similar” to something else. In this case, it is mixing a little poison or a lie with the truth. It is possible to ingest into your body gallons of healthy food. If you simply mix a small amount of extremely powerful poison with it, you would be dead soon. If we graduate the amount of poison into smaller dosages we can do the same over time, at a much slower rate but getting the same results… your demise.

All the media has to do, in order to destroy a person, is to slowly administer lies (poison) about a person mixed in with good things. Eventually, they destroy their enemy and they come out looking like choir boys, clean and glistening.

Make it Funny
I’ve already mentioned how a political leader was made to look like a clown. I remember an influential leader characterized by the media as a bafoon, idiot, and dumb person. I can still see the political cartoons drawn of him making him look like some human monkey creature. Typically, monkeys are funny and into mischief. That message stuck. Along these lines, photos that show the bad side of a person, and everyone has them, are used to portray enemies as stupid and/or psychotic fools. You can sometimes see this approach when a publication deliberately uses a photo of a person looking cross-eyed or bizarre. The editors choose photos that make the person look their worst. In contrast, when their favorite persons are put on the same page, they are shown in a hero’s stance, making them look their best. Coincidental? Absolutely not!

Making Sandwiches
A great technique to help build self-esteem in people, while correcting them, is called the “sandwich technique.” This approach is amazing because it uses positive reinforcement of the individual before and after you have shared a difficult area they need to change in. This assures to them that you still like them and that you respect them. It makes your message easy to accept with them.

When you take the same technique and switch it around, placing something positive in-between two negative pieces of information, it becomes quite destructive. In the media, you can come out looking objective and with a “pass” if you use this technique while still destroying your enemy. It is one of the most commonly used approaches by the media, in article after article pertaining to persons they dislike. Notice this… All you really need to hurt your opponent is to do a news piece on them. You start and close the report with negativity and doubt. This leaves a black cloud over their character. You get a free pass and you still got to be very nasty. This is like a school bully brat that gets away with murder and yet looks good.

Stacking the Experts
Have you ever noticed on TV a panel of intellectuals, journalists, etc. are chosen carefully where it is in disproportion but still looks balanced? Sometimes it is outrageously blatant and sometimes it is covert. Let’s say we dislike a position but we cannot say so for fear of looking bigoted. We can handpick the majority of our experts that will agree with us. Then we bring only one person that represents the side we dislike. We unload the pit-bull dogs on that person, all the while we look “balanced.”

Ridicule and labeling
I am often amused at the interesting adjectives used by a proponent of one side against the other. We hear words like “racist,” “Nazi,” “?-phobe,” “pin-head,” “antiquated,” “irrelevant,” “killer,” and more. By applying these labels on that person, what happens is that you freeze, isolate, and polarize that person. You make them out to look like they are part of a dangerous, scary, and insane fringe. This process is otherwise known in history as “character assassination.” In this case, it happens in the public forum on full display. Have you ever noticed that if the same is applied to the media, it is considered blasphemy? Who makes the media accountable? No one. They are free to destroy anyone they choose. That is why they secretly fear the internet. The tables can be turned on them by some little guy behind a screen.

Repetition Makes True
Incessant repetition of a lie registers as truth in the mind of the masses. Mass hysteria can be created by repeatedly reporting the dangers of some microbe infesting humans and taking over the world in tones of panic. Some of the most successful tyrants in history used great emotion and repetition to their advantage. Joseph Goebbels, Adolf Hitler’s propaganda minister said that if “You repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.” This brings us to my next point.

Make the Devil Look Like God and God Like the Devil
Hitler himself said, “By the skillful and sustained use of propaganda, one can make a people see even heaven as hell or an extremely wretched life as paradise.” In this technique, the attacker makes himself look like a benefactor and savior. He twists the sides. Have you ever wondered why the media narcissistically loves to see themselves as the protectors and keepers of truth? It almost has religious indoctrination undertones, doesn’t it? In classical religious literature we are told that the Devil deceives and disguises himself as an angel of light. I call this, characteristically, the reversing of the poles by making black look like white and vice-versa.

Conclusion
I don’t claim to have covered all aspects of the art of deceit as used in the media. These are as old as man himself. I simply attempted to provide some of the more obvious typical forms of deceit used to psychologically manipulate the masses. What can we learn from this? Perhaps the biggest lesson could be that we must not be naïve. We must discriminately keep awake and aware. We must be hungry for truth wherever we find it. We must protect it and defend it. We need to be careful to avoid coming to hasty conclusions just because the “experts” say it. It is, very much, an individual journey. It is a great quest but filled with minefields. Be careful and beware.

How does someone become a narcissist, or are they born that way?

It depends, children, especially newborns, demand constant attention but that is a process of survival. Eventually, as they mature, they should learn that they are not the only ones on earth with valid needs. That is where patience, consideration, and other valuable social traits are developed.

In my personal opinion, I see two options a person can take. When there are parents who are extreme narcissists, they will tend to be inattentive to the emotional needs of their child. Those needs might get ignored, ridiculed, shamed, or attacked. In the end the child is hungry for love and attention. Having a love deficit may cause a child to do one of two things:

1) Become an actor in order to get the admiration and attention the child needs. The parents are not safe. They disdain showing neediness and pain. The parents live for appearances. The child is emotionally bleeding and trying to survive because of experiencing emotional neglect. As a result, the child cannot find safety in parents and thus starts to hide to survive. The child experiments with playing false impersonations. They soon find that they can manipulate their parents and others by acting. With this foundation, they embark on the path of wearing all kinds of disguises and masks in order to get anything they want, especially from persons who have love-hunger and seek to please to get it. They become incredibly selfish, unfeeling, and expert manipulators.

2) Another way that extreme narcissists are created is by being brought up super-pampered. Being brought up without negative consequences for being selfish and hurtful creates a social monster. We call them brats, but this is “Brat-Supreme.” These individuals know little of respecting other’s personal boundaries. They believe they are gods… or God. Their Ego knows no bounds in grandiosity.

Do you think narcissism is something of a growing 21st century problem?

Yes, as a result of Baby Boomers/Hippie Generation wanting the best for their children, they have created children who feel entitled and who believe they deserve unreserved success without much difficulty.

What are some everyday traits that might indicate someone is a narcissist? (Constant Facebook updates? Attention seeking?)

Some common traits that tend to show extreme narcissism can be incessant talk about self, exaggerating personal accomplishments, lack of empathy and sensitivity for others, public displays of grandiosity as in the case of social network media constantly displaying body, muscles, sex appeal, constantly talking about “self.”

Another form of narcissism is victimization. If narcissism were a coin, one side would be grandiosity (“I am bigger than you!”), while the other side is victimization (“I am better than you because I suffer more than you do.”). With victimization, a narcissist will insist that you do not know how hard he or she has it in life. This narcissist shames you for not taking care of them or taking up their cause. There can be narcissists on both sides of a cause or argument. A person can be a totally victimized narcissist about one side of a position or argument as well as the opposite. This can be true in the realms of politics (Conservatives vs. Liberals), morals about life choices (abortion vs. anti-abortion), or as simple as choosing what color to paint a wall. A skilled narcissist uses “suffering” as a device to get attention. Most persons fall for their trap because they have been made to feel insensitive and uncaring otherwise.

How can narcissistic behavior damage relationships (both romantic and platonic)

Extreme narcissist create untold damage in relationships by using the goodwill and loving sacrifice and dedication of the other person much like a Spider sucks the life-juices from a victim. The Spider ignores the carcass when it offers no more sustenance. Another metaphor is that extreme narcissists are relational vampires. They take your blood until you have none left. They destroy you. They will make you think they “really” care for you when, in reality, they are using you and taking from you. They return very little to your emotional health. Because they are scared to death of you finding out how weak and hurting they are in their inside, they freak out and panic when you get too close. In such cases they disappear or withdraw. They often do not return calls. In this process they can also make you feel like you are the culprit and a bad person to make you feel guilty and deflect your interest in entering their soul. A narcissist is never wrong… because he is God. You, however, are always wrong, according to the narcissist. As a therapist I have found that many women who have love deficits fall for the traps of narcissists. They have Yo-Yo and Bi-Polar relationships with these men. It is nerve racking. The men use calculated tenderness, expert guilt-tripping and simple abuse to wear down a good woman. In the end, they destroy her, leaving an emotional disaster behind. He then goes on the prey for the next fool, never believing he ever did anything wrong.

How can narcissistic behavior be damaging in the workplace?

Narcissists in the workplace are mostly seen in ego-centric bosses. Behind their backs, the employees call them “?ss-holes.” They are hated and employees do the minimum to please them. If an employee is more gifted than the boss, he must be careful. Narcissistic bosses feel threatened by persons who are better than they are and who can steal the glory from them. Extreme narcissists are extremely insecure. As long as an employee can make the narcissistic boss look good then they are “needed” and an indispensible part of the team… his team. The moment a narcissistic boss feels threatened or has taken all credit from an employee then that employee is dispensable. He is done with that person and so he tosses them into the trash heap of human debris.

What should you do if you want to help a narcissistic friend snap out of it?

It is questionable whether a true narcissist can really have a friend, unless that friend is an appendage or subservient person to the narcissist. Having an extreme narcissist as a “friend” is a dangerous relational sign. It says that the “friend” is weak and gets used. Can the “friend” help the narcissist to snap out of it? Not really. It is recommended to run for the hills and make friends with those who really care. Avoid narcissists. Narcissists die alone and miserable. Don’t’ let them take you with them.

What can you do if you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist and you’re frustrated?

Leave them. Narcissists are extremely toxic to your health. They will destroy you in time and leave a human wreckage behind. Your heart will get ripped out of you and fed to the pigs. Understand that an extreme narcissist is a severely sick person. Avoid at all costs.

Can narcissism be “cured”?

Maybe. It depends on the skills of the clinician. Most behavioral clinicians have difficulty knowing how to work with one. For an extreme narcissist to be “cured” he must want to heal and be willing to admit he is unhealthy. For most extreme narcissists, that is simply asking too much. For an extreme narcissist to want to change there must be a gigantic and earth-shattering series of events in their lives to break them of their grandiosity, extreme selfishness, entitlement, and self-righteousness. Should an extreme narcissist be willing to be helped, the clinician must be skilled enough to find the wounds of his inner soul, help heal them, and replace them with healthy self-images and patterns for relational dynamics. The only kind of extreme narcissist that can be cured is a broken one.

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Sean Cruz

Award-winning Illustrator/Visual Artist

http://arobotstale.blogspot.com/

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By Samuel López De Victoria, Ph.D.

If an extreme narcissist were religious, he would worship himself. He would apply to himself the phrase that says, “You shall have no other gods besides ME!” Narcissist are full to the maximum… with themselves.

In my years of studying human nature and counseling many individuals, I have come across an amazing type of narcissist. This kind of narcissist is the one who is so seductive he makes you like or believe in him or her with your whole heart. In my personal opinion, this type is the most dangerous of all narcissists. The following are some characteristics of this impressive little “god.”

Charming

Charm creates a feeling of being delightfully attracted to something. You can be fascinated with something or someone because of beauty. Though the looks of a person can be stunning to the point of you saying, “Wow!”, nevertheless, a captivating narcissist does not necessarily have to have good looks to draw you in. Good looks, definitely, can increase the magnetic pull towards the narcissist, but that is not the core. You can also be charmed by the pulling power of someone reflecting you so as to create a deep rapport. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you’ve known them a long time or you feel initially safe with them. They have unlocked the door to your insides. A skilled extreme narcissist knows just how to reflect your music back to you so that you feel like he has your playlist of favorite songs.

More astute than you

An astute person is one who creatively figures out some unique and impressive angle quickly, an angle few think about. Skilled narcissists can typically outsmart most folks. They are three steps ahead of you. They are also fast in coming out with these unique approaches. That is why you are constantly intrigued by them. When your relationship sours with one of these narcissists, you better watch out. They generally have already thought through how you might react and are ready to discredit you or destroy you. They have their ducks in order. When they get a lawyer you can bet that they are determined to humiliate and obliterate you.

Great storyteller

A skillful narcissist can be some of the greatest storytellers. They can weave a complex story and mesmerize you with amazing statistics, trivia, quotes, history of events, to the point that you could feel overwhelmed. Naturally, they would be the center of those stories, often re-writing history. These skillful narcissists are hardly boring. They incessantly can talk to you with interesting information. Those I have known, I have often gleaned amazing information from. They too are students of human nature, but with a goal in mind. Their goal is to further their power by enhancing their stature and influence among those around them. Sometimes they exaggerate their claims and position. The media abounds with examples, ranging from politicians and business people to actors who are given to hype.

Believable

Skillful narcissists work hard at being believable about their myths of themselves. They arm themselves with information that enhances their position and even can change the numbers to suit their arguments. The end goal is to snag you into his/her lair. One trick they use is to play the game of appearing magnanimous. In other words, they appear to take the high road of being nobler than you by forgiving your mistakes. Many times this is a set up to later trash or destroy you. I remember one who came into my office with their former lover. The narcissist said something like, “God knows how dysfunctional I am… and of course, I have my own therapist that I speak to about this… but… Could you please help my former partner here who is so vindictive… and mean… as a matter of fact, I think this person should have an MRI because they have behavior that is similar to that of a person having a brain tumor.” I could not believe how creative this attack was. I had to read between the lines to see the fake tears of this narcissist trying to take the position of Mother Teresa.

Able to cover tracks

I am always amazed at how a skillful narcissist can cover their tracks. They will play two women at the same time and cover it up with some important business emergency out-of-town meeting. I’ve even seen them have false online identifications. Some may even exaggerate accomplishments, and though they work at a prestigious firm, they might be a junior member or a hated boss who steals credit from others. They can frame the theft as them first having the original ideas. One story sticks out in my mind with a skilled male narcissist who married a woman that he slowly destroyed over the years. It got so bad that one night he got right in her face and spit at her. She had to push him away from her and call the police. When they showed up, she was asked, “Did you touch him?” She said, “Yes, I pushed him.” They hauled her away for being the supposed perpetrator of domestic violence. On the way out and with a concerned face, the narcissist said to the police, “Please be careful. She needs her medication because she is a bipolar person!” Judge for yourself.

Among the greatest actors in the world

One of the main characteristics of narcissism is that there is a wounded and/or insecure child inside the adult. To survive and compensate, the child has to divert attention and give appearances that are not necessarily true. The skilled narcissist has had many years of theatric practice often changing roles to suit the situation. Because they perceive that their very life is at stake they are zealous to protect and perfect their disguises. These theatric roles cover a wide range. Some are comedic. Others are highly “respectable.” There are also those who use intimidation to create distance and admiration or respect. They might use leather, tattoos, piercings, chains, motorcycles, cars, brash loudness, etc. They can also choose to be the lovable and huggable teddy bear persona. With the skillful narcissist, it is not so easy. The reason for this is that they actually believe they are the persona. I have had narcissists, in a moment of rare transparency and “weakness”, admit to me that they don’t even know who they are.

Be wise

As you can see, the skillful narcissist is a person with some pretty amazing traits. In my opinion, they can be formidable. They can be impressive in power, strength, intelligence, size, and difficulty. If you find one opposing you, they can be astounding enemies. They are not omnipotent, though they might think so. They do have limitations. Their ego is their own undoing. Many times, when they discover that you are on to them, they disappear. They do this if they perceive that you can blow their cover and expose them as a sham. For an extreme narcissist, being fully exposed to the world is the greatest pain in their lives. It is also the best medicine to their disease because it will force them to look inside and deal with their pain and wounds. If and when that happens, they will become like the rest of us, realizing that we do need others to help and love us. They will see how they need to love from a genuine heart that does not seek to use people. A former and healed narcissist can turn all his powerful assets, which he used to advance himself, to making a powerful contribution in the lives of others and being realistically liked. In the meantime, be careful and avoid being duped and drawn by the amazing magnetism of this kind of person.

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