Video: Victims that Attract Narcissists!

7 characteristics of people who are drawn to and attract narcissists! You might be one of them. Beware!

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Gina said,

November 16, 2013 @ 8:31 pm

Your videos are so helpful and easy to grasp! Thank you!

I’m currently compiling a book that involves my half-sister’s narcissism and her role in a racketeering network in Georgia.

Catherine Todd said,

December 23, 2013 @ 5:08 pm

Wow – you hit all the nails on the head! Brought me to tears, really. Maybe I can finally learn something here. Thank you, Dr. Sam. This may be life-saving when I needed it most.

Sidsel said,

December 25, 2013 @ 6:07 pm

This comment is very true. Sadly it appears to me like most narcissist victims are in jobs where they take care of other people or work with art.
Most narcissists I have met, are working as engineers, it-workers, selv employed in small companys, sales women and jobs related to money or status.

Irina Pavlova said,

January 11, 2014 @ 9:20 pm

Thank you so much, Dr.Sam. I discovered today your videos and website while browsing Internet for narcissism. Love the videos and am amazed at your insight and knowledge. I was in a relationship with a “malignant” narcissist and have never experienced something so ugly. It did not take me very long to pull out, but despite the relatively short period being in the abusive situation,it affected me so deeply and badly. I have been looking for information in order to identify what was about me that made me attract the narcissist and why I kept ignoring the red flags that showed up early in the relationship. I found a lot of information, but the way you present it, its the best so far! Thank you agian!

Bellavista said,

January 18, 2014 @ 2:01 pm

Hi! Dr. Sam, I am a grandmother of two boys, my daughter is trying to get out of a relationship from a narcissist, hope she will asap but my question is can a father harm his children, to punish their mother? I worry day and night.
Please advise. Thank you very much.

Dr.Sam said,

January 20, 2014 @ 9:00 am

Bellavista,
Yes, a father can harm his children to get back at the wife/ex-wife. Same goes for women in similar. I’ve seen spouses use their children to hurt each other. Sometimes it is not on purpose but rather use the children as a substitute spouse to dump their emotional garbage but damaging them. Sometimes it is to poison their minds against the other spouse out of vengeance. Dr. SAm

Brenna said,

February 16, 2014 @ 2:32 pm

Is it true that some narcissists are attracted to religious stuff – that its a perfect place for them to establish their narcissism?

Dr.Sam said,

February 16, 2014 @ 2:56 pm

Yes, that is true. It is the perfect cover to hide behind. I wrote an article on “Narcissists in Ministry.” Google it. Dr. Scott Peck wrote a book about this kind of narcissist. The book is called “People of the Lie.” It is interesting also that atheism also attracts many extreme narcissists. Ultimately, the EGO wants to be God. Hence atheism is perfect also because there cannot be another Supreme Authority to an atheist except his/her EGO.

Nick said,

March 7, 2014 @ 12:20 pm

Dr. Sam

I would like to offer a thought/feeling: Narcissist: Someone who has had their initial trust in the “Care Giver” used to present the Prejudice of facts that prevent the spontaneity of Moral & Emotional Problem Solving ability that prevent Self-Actualization. Based of Maslow’s Pyramid
Thoughts?
BTW, I Love the way you Love, thanks for all the info you put out there. “YOU ARE ONE COOL DUDE!

Dr.Sam said,

March 7, 2014 @ 12:25 pm

Nick, after processing that info through the brain 3-4 times, I think I get what you say and it makes sense. A narcissist is not a self-actualized person. He/she is an Ego-Agandized person. :) Best regards. Dr. Sam

Trish said,

May 3, 2014 @ 12:36 pm

Wow Dr Sam, this answers my questions clearly & perfectly. I recently released my parents are narcissistic which is why I keep attracting narcissists into my life. I was trained to have no boundaries, be kind, loving & self sacrificing to them, while my basic emotional needs weren’t met causing my own hunger for love & loneliness, all within a religious environment. To extricate myself from family I became involved in a spiritual group with a guru & repeated the pattern. With this information I really hope I can break the cycle of re-traumatisation. Heartfelt thanks to you!

Hide-away said,

May 6, 2014 @ 11:19 am

Dr. Sam,
Your video described so much. I was all those naive and needy things and fell victim to a man I now know is a narcissist. (His totem is actually a wolf!)I have lost my job, all my possessions, and been forced to move away from family, friends, and community. He is extremely controlling and jealous (even of a dentist who helped me with a broken tooth). He lies all the time, and when I call him on it he rages at me. He insists that I am sensitive, and see things wrong.
I sit home alone most days now. I have no real friends here. My husband takes me out when it works for him, but it is always under his control. Things feel crazy.
I have become hypersensitive to so many things, including chemicals and molds, and suffer from depression/anxiety/PTSD.
15 years ago, I was a healthy, happy, productive woman in my community. I had a job as a teaching assistant that I loved, two great kids, friends, activities…
I can see that my life is a shambles. I want to get strong again and have a good life. We are seeing a therapist, but it doesn’t seem to help. It actually seems to be making things worse…
What do I do? Is there hope for us? Is there hope for him or my marriage? Should I just leave?

Dr.Sam said,

May 6, 2014 @ 11:21 pm

Hide-away, at a minimum, you should separate, take time to heal and get strong, then re-evaluate then your marriage. In the mean time, he has to get help for himself and change. If there is not evidence of change then you move on permanently. You don’t have to make a decision of divorce immeditely. Dr. Sam

Ari said,

May 21, 2014 @ 8:28 pm

I just have to say this: I have all seven traits of the narcissist’s prey. I’m like an extreme narcissist, but upside down. There are predators, and there are preys…
Thanks for sharing this, doctor.

phil said,

August 13, 2014 @ 3:57 am

my partner was “kidnapped” by a narcissist… he befriended us and for a long time things did not add up with him he has tried to split us many times over a year and a half.. he claimed to be gay!! no threat at all.. i was suffering depression for a while and things were a bit bumpy with my ex and i… then he made his move,told her all the things she needed to hear and she pushed me out…he convinced her i was a sociopath and controlling..i made all the wrong moves trying to win her back just pushing her further into his arms.. she hates my guts with a passion now..never wants to see or hear from me again..she is with him 3 months now and deeply truly in love with him… he has been fishing information out of us both for over a year,,,mimic our interests,learned to ride motorcycle,learned to play guitar just like myself and ex,even went as far as buying the same motorcycle as me and same bike clothes..i could go on and on.. she is the love of my life and i adore her with all my heart.but she is not the same person anymore..full of venom towards anyone or anything that does not like him.. hooks well set in her back..he does not let her breath.24/7 .he brings her to work and collects her..checks her mail..do i wait it out or just move on… at the moment i am just getting on with my own health and well being trying to be the best man i can be… but not a second goes by where she is not on my mind..she is a caregiver and a very sweet person..loving mother.and smart as hell. something in my soul says she will come back at some point…but as it stands i cant see it…dont know what to do anymore…:(

Dan said,

August 16, 2014 @ 5:14 am

Dr Sam I have 2 kids with a Narcissist one is 20 and the other 21, neither talk to me I treated them like gold as kids, fought for them in family could for years. How do I reconnect with them I know my daughter will contact me and go home and tell her mother everything.

Who ME? said,

September 14, 2014 @ 5:42 pm

This was kind of hard for me to hear because who wants to think of themselves as being weak and a victim to such destructive behavior? But I have to admit, all of these items describe me, in varying degrees.

I’ve recently been reading up on Narcissism in search of a description for the father I grew up with and currently live with again as an adult. My self-esteem & self-confidence were pretty much non-existent growing up with this man and a passive, also victimized mother. I’ve been having a hard time attempting to heal those past wounds while having to live with the main source of that trauma!

A friend recently told me about the psychological condition of Learned Helplessness. Otherwise mentally healthy people like me can suffer from this while living with those having Personality Disorders. I now realize that the ex-boyfriend must have been a Narcissist, while also subjecting me to his Hoarding (albeit neat & clean).

And just this past week as I’m making a concerted effort to face these issues and MOVE ON with my life, here comes another NARC! This man attempted to ensnare me by means of Facebook. We never even met or talked on the phone and he created all kinds of drama & scenarios as you describe. I called him on his crap and it appears he has disappeared, as you say they will when caught. Whew…

THANKS Dr. Sam for your very insightful & easy to understand truth about these barracudas! My antenna is UP! Waaaay up now! :-)

Bharati said,

December 4, 2014 @ 12:54 am

Hello Doctor,

Is there a way to cure a narcissist? Can they become normal?

Thank you for your insightful videos.

Regards,
Bharati

Dr.Sam said,

December 4, 2014 @ 12:06 pm

In my personal opinion an extreme narcissist can become a truly normal loving human being but the requirement is steep. Few will comply. It is called brokenness and humility. Realizing that one is NOT God. The narcissist is God in his own eyes, so he does what he pleases and hurts folks in his path. Whatever it takes to break the arrogance of a narcissist is the breakthrough necessary for his healing and wholeness. I usually recommend doing the famous 12-Steps. Dr. Sam

Bharati said,

December 5, 2014 @ 12:48 am

Hello Doctor,

Thank you for the response. You said you usually recommend doing “the famous 12 steps”, may i know what those 12 steps are?

Thank you
Bharati

Dr.Sam said,

December 5, 2014 @ 8:57 am

Bharati,

The famous 12 Steps are used in all kinds of recovery groups worldwide. They are the most effective in seeing addicts and all types of issues healed and recovered. Here is a link: http://12step.org/steps/the-12-steps.html

The narcissist worships himself/EGO. A famous Psychiatrist has said that the EGO is atheistic. It cannot accept any other gods except itself. Hence Narcissists are practical atheists who will not admit they are needy. That is why the 12 Steps are so good. Narcissists are addicted to their own EGO.

Take care and have a great life.

Dr. SAm

Bharati said,

December 8, 2014 @ 7:52 pm

Thank you Doctor. Thank you very much.

Bharati.

Margie said,

December 9, 2014 @ 2:27 pm

After almost 2 1/2 years of being sucked in by the sociopath, I have pretty much regained a lot of my strength and self-esteem on my own by ignoring him recently, and forcing myself to not let him get to me. I am fed up with the mind games, arrogance and free-loading, and I just want him to leave but he won’t, even though he threatens to all the time as well (and I hold the door open for him) but he still doesn’t leave!! I’m at my wits end. I own my own home, he has nothing to do with it except for live in it and do nothing all day, just run up my utility bills while I’m at my full-time job. He gets food assistance and we used to use those, but I don’t want to have anything to do with that any more, I’ve been buying my own food. At this point I don’t even feel like going home any more, the sight of the lazy leech makes me ill. Please help me with any suggestion, I can’t afford, nor do I want to go through an eviction drama or time frame. Trying to figure out how to turn him off and OUT! Help please, Dr. Sam!

Dr.Sam said,

December 9, 2014 @ 6:33 pm

Pinkmargaritas, talk to a paralegal or go to the courthouse and ask if there is a way to throw him out by a restraining order of some other legal way that you can afford and that does not require a lawyer. That is what I would do. Dr. Sam

Desperate to leave said,

December 18, 2014 @ 10:09 pm

My unhappy relationship with a *wonderful* woman had prompted me to do some soul-searching into whether I might be a narcissist myself – I did, after all, cheat on her, which is something I don’t fully regret, but have been feeling extremely guilty about. I thought that perhaps this guilt was behind my conviction that I had to compensate in ways which all involve helping her with her own pursuits (menagerie of animals, home renovation, shopping, studying, travelling, gardening), at the expense of pursuing my own. She works really long hours sometimes and simply can’t do everything she bites off, herself. And she consistently takes on more than she can handle. Before I met her, I used to paint, draw, run, cycle and play the piano on an almost daily basis. Now weeks or even months would go by where I don’t do any of that, save the exercise I get on my commute to and from work. The rest of my time is taken up by helping her with stuff. She is incredibly driven and possibly has ADHD – she can’t sit still through a whole movie without rushing off to do something else halfway through. She is a very kind and even generous person, but the demands on my person became too much. I initially tried ending our relationship after 6 months when I realised I wasn’t happy, but she convinced me we weren’t trying hard enough and that all relationships needed a lot of work. Another year and a half later I tried to leave her again, she didn’t cope and convinced me that we should try again and that I was throwing away something really good. Now, after 4 years and having become engaged to her 1 year ago without actually wanting to, I decided to try to end it again following a number of panic attacks I had induced by wedding talks. I became increasingly desperate to end it so I told her I was gay (a partial truth I should add). I also felt racked by guilt for lying to her for all this time and told her that she deserved better than me. I thought this would make her send me packing, but instead she decided that it didn’t matter and said that she loves me more than anything regardless of my attraction to men, and all I needed to do was love her too. There are other complications to the relationship such as that I don’t find her attractive anymore, despite considering myself to have a very high sex drive, whereas she has admitted to being asexual and always having simply viewed other people as “lumps of meat”. Before my confession we would have sex less than once a month. I am also her first partner, and for 26 years of her life, she never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. She uses this as support for her claim that she has only ever loved me and won’t ever find anyone else, and that I would never find anyone else as good as her.

After watching your (and other) videos on the subject, it became increasingly evident to me that in fact the real narcissist in our relationship is my partner. I of course admit to having done the wrong thing by being unfaithful, but I wonder if it has been an effect rather than a cause. My partner is an insecure overachiever (training to be a medical specialist) with an IQ of >140 (she regularly reminds me of this..), is incredibly adept at saying all the right things to manipulate me to do her bidding while making me feel guilty for not feeling as though I am the luckiest person alive, she has a clearly defined superiority complex, lies often to impress other people (usually just the embellishing kind, but lies nevertheless), she is very charming, and just the other day, after I reinforced my intentions to break up with her, made a very dramatic and embarrassing scene by storming into my office unannounced at work, where she collapsed in a heap, cried her heart out, and of course made everyone else very uncomfortable. She is by the very nature of her profession, normally a strictly composed sort of person. She said that if I decided I were in fact completely gay, she would accept it and support me, but ONLY if I told everyone about it, otherwise she would look like the fool who failed at a relationship. She suggested at one point that she suspected my admission to being gay was a lie, and that I just wanted “an easy way out” (yes, really. “Coming out” is super easy as everyone knows). She also warned me that I would be poor and unsuccessful on my own (despite being a junior executive at a very successful company as well as being a degree qualified chemical engineer), whereas I could have a splendiferous and enviable life with her and the dogs. She has a little poodle which she idolizes and which of course in return, idolizes her. I could go on, but at the risk of inducing other readers into a coma, I thought I’d ask your professional opinion. She has made me feel incredibly guilty for not appreciating her as I should (she does do caring things such as pack me treats for work and stuff), but I can’t help but feel like I should be running for the hills. Am I a pushover who is finally seeing the light or am I just so much of a narcissist myself that I can’t see how this is all my fault??

Dr.Sam said,

December 21, 2014 @ 10:28 am

I think you are a nice person and she is taking advantage of your vulnerabilities. She was able to get you addicted to her (Sex? Companionship? Etc.?). You add some guilt-tripping, which narcissists are masters of, and you have, as a result, incredible confusion in your head. She does not operate with the same morals or principles you do. I would say, get out while you are alive and have some sanity left. Run for the hills. Do not fall into the delusion that you’ll never find true love after her. There are a few billion more women and there is CERTAINLY a few in there that are quite healthy. Find one of those after you have taken your time to test, test, test their character, motives, boundary respect, etc. Now… RUN!

Dr. Sam

Tracy Blakely said,

June 15, 2015 @ 5:01 pm

Hi Dr. Sam, I am newly out of a 2.3 yr relationship…a friend after hearing of my story revealed that I need to look up narcissism. He didn’t have the traits such as power seeking, arrogance, undependable and many of the major things. What made the mask come off was I investigated why he would create an instant fight when it was regarding money. He said I was asking at wrong time, wrong tone and refused even to simply sit and sat down and discuss. I discovered by seeking people in his past that he hid a dark secret of a past marriage with kids that he claims to have “blocked” from mental existence via a “past is past” mantra. What is strange he left our formally fairytale relationship crumble by walking away, will not talk about it to anyone and has immediately gone on with his life as nothing has ever existed in our relationship. He still goes to our church and I am just left from a distance with seeing a broken shell of a man that not only walks in hidden darkness but has gone on and not doing things like seeking to regain control of his “supply”. Signs that are there until he picked up his remaining things from my home is blame, denial of the secret that is now truth, projection, name calling, making me second guess myself, lack of empathy, no apology, no closure. He doesn’t contact me and I know that should be good but I miss what I thought I was in love with him about. Every site says the narcissist still longs to have his control over you but so far even talking with his former spouse that I did know about he walks away from all relationships in the end-I believe now I have seen the stone cold stare that I overlooked before when I would question why he won’t just talk to me. Just curious that he didn’t have the tell tale signs I have read about for first 1.8yrs of our daily relationship and until we moved in together and discussing finances, the true self came out. He holds reputable positions in our city, has a high income job yet makes little money due to child support and appears as a kind gentle soul. He hid the pain and transparency for I know he is ashamed that he has nothing to offer so he uses his power to charm and win you over with it. Until you pressure him, you will see the cruelty arise. He is even on a youth mentoring committee. Now that I know who he really is I wish he could be marked with a warning sign and have no dealings with youth in teaching them how to be a man…I know that isn’t my problem but from all I read these people can lead very normal lives and again he didn’t show the majority of the traits…he is thriving in denial. What do you think Dr. Sam? Any input? Thank you for listening.

T. Huisman said,

October 15, 2017 @ 5:32 pm

the female narcissist her weapon is flattering sex charm insight in weaknesses of the victim. Goodbye career bankrupcy debt and can”t pay the bills anymore divorced panicking without a home homeless. And she can play the poor lady by the police and the police believes it and the real victim gets the blame of it. She can play every copycat with properly and correct language delete important evidence. Where can you go. Man in need. I am too naive and was not a ware that there were female predators with a very ill and evil nature who can kill innocent man who is good at heart. She is a skilled deceiver and it can look invisible. I want to start a home for men who are abused by women or girlfriend or wife and want to give education to precent other men and also women. Never underestimate a woman narcissist.

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