Video Games Dangerous? A Gamer Talks

Oftentimes, we hear in the media that video games hurt children. I take a softer position (loving games myself). I think I raised great kids (two girls who are well-known in the contemporary art scene internationally and a great son who grew up on video games and has turned that knowledge into computer game design, human interactive art (with his sisters), and is finishing up a multi-disciplinary digital media Masters degree at U. of Florida. The kid turned up pretty good and well-adjusted, not a violent child, as we are told by the media and supposed academic “studies.”

I found this insightful article by a good guy who grew up as a “gamer.” Those of you who enjoy video games or work with adolescents would benefit from reading this article. Don’t buy everything you hear in the traditional media world. – Dr. Sam

Katie said,

February 7, 2015 @ 8:54 am

Dear Dr. Sam

Your video on a narcissistic man gave me goosebumps. I am 100% dating one. Soo Charming, never wrong, lies, hurts me emotiknally if things don’t go his way, thinks he’s always right, squirms when you’re questioning his areas for improvement. He is everything you speak of. We’ve been together almost 10 years and I met him 15 years ago when I was 12 years old. I am very much attached to him. The last 2.5 have been horrible. I caught him in so many lies. He did as you said he would. looked at me in the face and swore on my life nothing had happened between him and other women… But I had already found the evidence. He put the blame on me too as you mentioned. He has betrayed me with other women on many many occasions. I don’t understand myself at all…why I stay. Why I can’t just let go? I keep holding on thinking he will change and feeling sorry for him. I am the definition of a codependent and definitely the sweetest most genuine hearted person. I always see the good in everyone. I am always looking for ways to better and improve myself and trying to understand the why behind my actions and behaviors. My questions to you are: how likely is it that he will ever change? How do you get them to want to change? Why did he become this way? (He did have a hard childhood, with parents who got a divorce and never gave him attention and were very self absorbed). What would you suggest to me? If I wanted to leave, how can I get over the codependent issues I have to him. I feel like I’m a drug addict and he’s the poisonous drug I keep willingly injecting. Also why am I a codependent? Why did I take on this role? My parents are highly loving and caring people. My mom and dad however almost have that narcissistic/ codependent relationship and I wonder if I’ve learned it from that? I just want to understand myself better and start living a happier life.

I’m sorry this is a long message. I hope you can help me. I’ve seen a psychotherapist and life coach to try and get over him after he left me for someone else.. And then as soon as he wanted back in my life, after trying to say no many times, he finally won me over again with his caring and charming behavior.

Thank you for your time,

Dr.Sam said,

February 7, 2015 @ 9:34 am

If you have confronted your “lover” with evidence that he has cheated on you, that says that he is a hardcore narcissistic liar. Chances are that he will not change. He might not be able to ever break in his arrogance. He is abusive to you, and on that basis alone you should run to the hills. You appear to be addicted to him, probably on many levels (emotionally, his energy, and possibly his sexual/immaterial connection with you. All these need to be broken by finding the first early events of connection and reframing them through visualization, or kinesthetically (EMDR, EFT, etc), or other forms of reframing original imprints. You are codependent, as you say. I would look at your family closely. I would look at early imprint moments when you gave yourself permission to emulate your codependent parent and reverse that decision via reframe. I do work with prenatal trauma. Sometimes there can be a decision made while a baby in the womb to “save mommy” which can make the child a “caregiver” from birth. That would have to be explored. Most therapists don’t do this kind of work either because they don’t believe in it or don’t know. See my article: Lopez De Victoria, S. (2010, June 29). Emotional Trauma in the Womb. Posted on Psych Central Web site:

I would encourage you to look for and find a 12-Step program for codependents such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDa). You can find them by your zip code at

Hope this helps.

Keep in mind that I do phone and Skype sessions if interested.

Dr. Sam

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