Catherine said,

September 6, 2013 @ 5:32 pm · Edit

Hi Dr Sam,wish Id known you years ago. Only heard the word “narcissist”in the last 10 yrs or so. I advised my eldest son to have therapy following a failed relationship and he being more in touch with his feelings than I with mine,talked in depth about his sibling and the therapist suggested he was a narcissist.the younger one that is. had to look it up in the dictionary.
but my comment to you is that I have been a victim of narcissists for years. grew up in a very catholic environment and being the last of five in a very poor family was reminded constantly by my oldest sister that my mother didnt want me and that my father used to run mum over the sand dunes trying to get rid of me and how I was the financial burden that broke the camels back.Great for the self esteem and an education by the nuns just killed it.I always felt that I was chasing “love”and never found it.I have had several failed relationships and my youngest son of course IS narcissistic.He has detached himself from the whole family. I have become very strong over the years and have learnt to cope and I just keep moving on (generally to the next narcissist)My last relationship lasted 22yrs but when my partner invested $600k of our retirement(all we had ) and supposedly lost it(Ithimk he has it o/s in a bank acc)I decided to move on.Probably not a good move at my age but I can’t put up with the lies and deceit once I become aware. I have been so busy over the years you don’t stop and analise things too much.Howevevr, the end of the story is that I fell for a true and very obvious narcissist and he did everything by the book.He said all the loving things I had been chasing all my life and had never heard once from any partner.He was intuitive,sensitive and sweet. I knew that it was false, at the same time he was bleeding me,I was his “victim”I have known him for about 14mths and now I know I have to cut the cord and pick up the pieces.my partner of 22yrs is living in our unit with all the material things and won’t give me my share for which i worked very hard and looked after his family very well,none of whom have contacted me since.
My” nassy “friend has given me the most precious thing I have ever wanted just a pity its fake they’d make the perfect lover if it wasnt so sinister.he made me feel good and for that i am most grateful even though it has cost me just about everything i had except the ability to work.Id stay if the act behind it didn’t have such grandiose delusions which cost and i don’t have any money left.I will get back up and i must also say that i too have used him even though he doesn’t care and has no feelings in any respect,i maintain he saved my life as i was pretty despondent at the time,and felt suicidal at times ,not because of him but more so of past history.i now have a job and it will take me the best part of a year to clear the debt that i have accumulated but i will.thank you for all the info on the net you have kindly made available.I just wish this had been made available 40yrs ago but it is now and its never too late.id like tO HELP MY FRIEND BUT I Think they are too clever and faster thinking hence very manipulative I’m sure he has many victims but the sadest victim is himself.such beautiful potential wasted.thanks again,regards Catherine

Rustem said,

August 4, 2015 @ 11:22 am · Edit

that, I would also like to point out that in truth, the only way to deal with these sorts of people is to call them on their acntois. If you are walking in the spirit, you will be able to bring their sins to their attention and follow the Matthew 18 process that Jesus outlined for us. So many of us complicate matters because we want to be seen to be diplomatic or mature. I have found that if you are dealing with somebody who claims to be a christian, then you need to bring their attention to what Christ actually taught us about those who refuse to repent of their sin. Eventually these people need to be ousted because let’s face it, they rarely admit to any wrongdoing.I see narcissism not just as a character disorder, but a terrible indulgence in the flesh. I believe God can change them but they have to come to a full understanding of their own carnality, and they need to be able to recognise the consequences of their acntois. If they can’t then they really do need to be treated like tax gatherers.It would take a whole church to do it, and in my experience, few churches will follow scripture when disciplining somebody who is this dangerous. Often of course it is the leader who is the narcissist and all the congregation can do is leave because any form of criticism of the pastor is met with explosive rage and character assassination.We have to stop looking at these problems from a humanistic perspective and name the problem for what it is. Unconfessed and unrepented sin is going to be the yeast which spreads through the whole church.

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