I would say that you may want to check yourself to see if you have been his mommy all these years. Now the man-child is bored with you and dissatisfied. He is looking for new candy and a new mommy. That is narcissistic and childish. He is not acting like an adult but like a child leaving his responsibilities and person who has put their life on the line for him. He is not stepping up to the plate to reciprocate. How immature! He needs a whop to the head by another man to put some sense into him! Maybe his Daddy did not have the gumption to set the strong example of duty and principle and faithfulness. His mother produced another narcissist. Probably father watched it happen and let it happen to get the mother off his back. I would confront him or appeal to him to get some counseling with you about your marriage from someone that is well known to totally understand and able to work with narcissism, family systems, and understands how to change beliefs, traumas, etc. quickly (trained in EMDR, NLP, EFT, etc.).

Hope this helps.

Dr. Sam

I married just this man–someone adorable and loving and kind. I helped him with his self-confidence, in finding jobs. I loved him with all my heart. He said that I was his world, that he wanted a family with me, that I was his everything. He had many “child-like” traits of wanting to be hugged and “held”. I often felt more like a mother than a wife, and actually believe that I have severe mothering tendencies myself. We married after 1 year together (he proposed after 3 months) and were so in love. BUT all of a sudden, after 5 years of being a perfect couple (or so I thought), he told me about 6 months ago that he no longer saw me in his future. That he was depressed about us. After asking time and time again, what was wrong with us, he just said that I did not love him enough–that there have been times over the past few years when he didn’t feel loved, eg when I didn’t read his mind and cook his favourite meal for example. And then he started telling his friends and family that we had problems. All of a sudden, things were simply crazy. I asked questions, and he could not give me a coherent answer. Then he told me some weeks ago that he wants a divorce. He moved out, took most of his things and has completely stopped communication with me. He has been seeing a therapist (on my suggestion) for several months now and has uncovered that his family may be severely narcissistic (his mother is so self centered that it is unbelievable). Still, he blames me for the fact that our marriage had no future (without being able to tell me what went wrong, without trying through counselling to fix things). My head in in a spin–I am so confused and hurt and angry at the loss of what seemed to be something amazing. Of my soul mate. I do not understand what happened. How could he change so quickly. And how could he simply move out and stop all contact with someone (me) who he has spoken to and seen every day for the tpast five years? I finally managed to reach him (he rejected all my phone calls, and I do not know where he lives now) by phone and he cried, saying how much he misses and loves me but that he has no belief in the marriage all of a sudden and divorce is the best option. That he sees no meaning in his life right now but knows that this will come soon. That he will not “look for another love” anytime soon as he is still in love with me, but does not want to remain married to me. And, the best part is, that he does not know how he will feel in the next year or so, and may come back if his emotional strength is restored????????

Dr. Sam, any insights? Did I marry a narcissist and, if so, is this possible without the person being verbally or physically abusive? The “only” abuse I have suffered seems to be deeply emotional, and relates to him basically confusing the hell out of me by saying things to other people about our relationship being on the rocks yet not saying a word to me. Furthermore, by living all of a sudden as if he were single for the past year. He has never (as far as I know) cheated or even considered this, but “left” me apparently out of planning his life and decision making for probably about a year (he decided to move to another state to be closer to his family, and simply told me that he would do this without asking how it would impact me. but then he found–well, I helped him find and coached him to get–his dream job in the state where we live, and he told me that he was no longer moving). All of this has reduced me from a strong, confident woman to one who sees very little happiness and is sad beyond belief at how he simply dumped me out of the blue. Is there a chance that the terapy will work and he will be fixed and come back a new man? Or am I dreaming?

Please help!

Thank you.

Lea

In my country, there have been some cases recently where a husband killed his wife and children and then commited suicide.

I think that usually when you marry young you don’t make the best choice. However it is known that the younger the woman, her children will be born healthier.

In short, marriage is at times or maybe many times as a pandora box. Don’t forget the charade narcissists make when they meet someone new!

First, let me thank you again for all the advice you gave me months ago!

Second, I do find this dynamics in my marriage regarding points no. 1, 2, 3. I guess, when you come for a narcissistic family you kind of “mother” your husband after being a co-dependent for years. It’s not easy. Last time I had to move my daughters to a new school b/c my eldest was emotionally and verbally abused in the previous school. Dear husband of course, didn’t see the problem and I had to go and talk to the principal, who only accused me and my daughter – I had to do the masculine job…
I guess it’s b/c my husband doesn’t like changes. The good thing is that I am getting stronger and independent.

I know what my husband’s talents are and what talents he is deprived of! I still love him! and I think we have to see also if a husband is loyal, loving and helps whenever he can. and he does.

So…

I will keep doing the masculine tasks and accept his limitations….