What is Shame and How it Hurts You
Posted by Dr.Sam on April 21st, 2008
What is Shame?
Shame is a destructive message. It says that you are flawed and who you are is not enough. You get this from the media, a dysfunctional family, and sometimes through organizations, including religious ones. In the context of the spiritual, shame makes individuals feel that God is not able to make them sufficient. The shame message tells us that we need some other thing, person, product, service, unhealthy enablement, or an addiction to complete us.
How Shame Hurts You
- You reject yourself as God made you. You have been given a set of wonderful gifts that make up who you are. You have abilities which could be in the artistic areas such as visual or performing arts. You may have an ability to fix or make things with your hands. You might be skilled at creating unique solutions. Maybe you have the talent to work with individuals and groups to empower them towards goals. Maybe you are a very wise person and people need your exceptional and helpful insight to solve their dilemmas. Whatever you are, you need to know that you are special and that it is good. The message of shame will cause you to reject or miss the good that is in you. This good is for your fulfillment and the benefit of helping others.
- You begin to add things to yourself to “look good.” You create a false external person in order to survive on your own. You become what you are not. This creates an empty feeling inside. If you listen to the media you will think that you will not be complete unless you look like a super-model or use some product. You are told that material things will bring you friends, fortune, and fame. This formula is applied to selling you cars, cosmetics, food, prescription drugs, clothes, exercise equipment, etc. You are made to feel guilty for being who you are. You are offered false promises. In the end, you will be unhappy and left with a vacuum inside.
- You may become a people-pleaser and an enabler of controlling and selfish individuals. Your shame blocks your ability to feel loved so you desperately seek even “sick” unhealthy individuals to love you. Shame will drive you to think that unless you are with some persons you will not be able to be acceptable and lovable.
- We let ourselves shame others. A person who lives in shame of who they are will eventually shame others. Since you buy into the lie that you are not complete then you will also communicate that message on others. An adult that gives into the lies of shame will pass them on to their children. If you are materialistic you will raise children given to the same. If you have the mentality of wanting approval from others then your children will be insecure and people-pleasers. They will pick up your values.
Dr. Sam helps individuals to find those root causes of shame in their lives. He then utilizes one of many different modalities of treatment to quickly neutralize the causes and the effects. Once this is done, he then helps these individuals to acquire powerful resources to greatly improve their lives.